(Excerpt from my story in Women Who Dare to Dream coming July 2022)
At the time
of writing this story, I again had a real health scare. The next few months were a blur with the amount of testing I underwent. I struggled with my story. The happy ending I had planned vanished just like that. There will be more follow up necessary but good news is that what was found does not appear malignant at this point. I continue to take matters into my own hands and in addition to work with a variety of healers from modern science to ancient wisdom. Sometimes the shortest way is through… I followed my intuition to go to Costa Rica and embarked on a spiritual retreat to receive healing transmission with plant medicine.The message I received once ridding the old stories and beliefs I can become a clear voice, clear heart, and clear channel. My close friends know me and know that I am always doing something out of the box because being in that damn box is boring! This was a leap o
f faith for sure. Very much a lesson in letting go of control. In complete trust, I surrendered. Well, let me rephrase…I thought I was surrendering while asking for everything to go my way! Lol.
The first night of ceremony with Ayuascua I saw who I had become. I saw that I was a little girl who felt unwanted, unloved and never enough who then became a woman who still felt unwanted, unloved and never enough. Mama Aya appeared to me as a beautiful white Flower of Life pattern. In Mama Aya’s loving embrace I could feel her love fill me and I began to channel light language...until I was told I was too loud by one of the ceremony helper’s. The visual ended abruptly and I was upset. I took my blanket and went outside to the hammock under the almost full moon sky. Wrapped up in the blanket I made myself comfortable and laid in a fetal position. I started to feel her again but this time she was the moon and I was in her womb! I felt so cherished, desired, loved and wanted! Wow, I felt this so strongly.
The second night of plant medicine was very scary. It appeared I was having an ego death. I had no choice but to surrender, believe me I tried to fight it and failed miserably. Mama Aya once again held me as I died over and over and over again. I would see her light streaming in through the window. I would keep adjusting my body to align with her light. She merged me back with my soul. With each death there was that first breath of life until finally morning came and then I was alive again filled with such a love for everybody and everything including myself. There was a song in my heart and I began to sing. It did not matter how I sounded because I know this was what she was showing me was necessary…to flow in love and not hide my song. My song is meant to be shared.
The third night of plant medicine was more of an integration. It felt like nothing was happening but a lot was actually happening behind the scenes. I slept most of the night but still kept insisting to myself I should be doing something or having an “experience.” Once again I realized I was trying to control my fear of the unknown. If I welcomed the sleep I would have had a deeper integration and healing.
The last night was the longest ceremony and so worth it! It was a beautiful ceremony with many Shamans who performed a healing. One shaman in front of each of us and one shaman behind each of us. They fluffed us with their feather wands, their incantations, holy water and oils, gentle blowing and healing caresses. It moved me to tears knowing that whatever had been showing itself in my body as disease was no longer viable in my body nor welcome because of the vibration of love and light. My heart was healed. I have no proof but I feel healthy, healed and whole. We danced and sang and welcomed the morning. No need to sleep.
My second night home I had a wonderful dream where Mama Aya showed me that "all my gifts and talents come from the jewels of my throat chakra”. She showed me a beautiful image of blue crystals and gemstones that was surrounded with light. I will treasure the beauty of this prophecy through its fruition.
While in the beautiful country of Costa Rica, I frequently heard the saying ‘Pura vida”. It was everywhere. Translated it means, “pure life” or "simple life." It is used to say hello, goodbye, and even everything is great! The saying is more than just words, it is a way of life for the Costa Ricans. You can see it and more importantly you can feel it. It is an attitude of happiness and a way of life. May you live la Pura Vida and always sing your own song.